i took half day off today.

i couldn't sit/do anything without feeling the strain & pain.

my health is deteriorating.

will it get better?

you know you can trick your mind into doing things

that you don't want to.

all you have to do is keep telling yourself,

(lying to yourself)

that you can do it.

i bought a book from popular a few minutes ago.

this is to keep me from thinking about

those issues & my health.

it's about a boy being abuse from young

& how he truimp over all the odds.

i know its a sad read but i need some motivation

from true life stories like this one.

it's been so long that i bought a book for myself.

i only do that when i can't take anymore pressure.

i want to bury my miseries.

i want to get carried away by the book

that for a moment i might find peace within.

when im done with the book,

i'll do a review on it.

im sure i'll enjoy the book.

for now i've 2 DVDs & a book to keep me occupied.

i have my WHOLE room to tidy on my offday (tuesday).

i may not be going to work tomorrow,

i don't know.

if im feeling better, i'll go to work

if not i'll stay at home & try to tidy my room.

i'll find more stuff to keep me occupied when i've

run out of DVDS & books to read.

i want to keep my mind busy.

so if you're free do ask me out okay?

i'll go out provided i have enough cash & im not working.

you know something?

i think i lost the sparkle/smile in my eyes.

my eyes used to tell a happy tale in my past photographs.

however, when i took this picture this morning,

all i see is lifeless eyes staring back at me.

im deluding myself that i'll be fine.

im just living a facade.