i just fucking reach home.
i waited 1 hour for a bus(190) that i can get up.
all the fucking 190's were so full that it didn't even bother to stop.
i am super pissed.
my mood was already very bad when i woke up this morning.
to make matters worst,
somebody had to make me flare up at work.
i am bloody moodless.
i am annoyed,frustrated,irritated,angry,depressed...
i did some shopping in hope it will cheer me up,
but i only bought a sunglass.
wanted to spent more money but Irene stopped me,
cause she knows if i were to go on a shopping spree
i will not have enough money left to eat.
i kept pacing around,screaming,venting my anger
on the counter top.
i showed fuck face to most customers.
i just wasn't the usual smiling xingru.
i have loads of pressure building up inside of me.
i have tons of frustatrations that i wanna shake off.
i wanna go on a vacation, a getaway.
just poof, gone like that.
no worries,no stress,
just me & peace.
i've been pondering alot.
it's been very hard for me.
i feel very useless, very poor when i'm beside you.
so what, i was the top student?
when people know i'm 16, i dropped out of school at Sec3,
they'll proceed to ask "HUH?! you don't even have a N level cert?"
& i'll answer in a monotonous tone
"I take O's, Triple Science."
they stopped asking after that.
i've fallen from grace.
what am i now?
nothing.
i used to be the best,i used to have the best.
it's really hard on me to keep smiling, to keep the hope.
suddenly, i felt i was very stupid.
i should have continued my studies.
but then again,i prefer working.
i just don't know where i'm heading to.
i wanna be as carefree as a lark.
i'm 16,for fuck sake.
i'm not so matured yet & i don't wanna grow up so fast!
i'm so lost, there's no light ahead to guide me.
i want somebody to lead me on, anyone but family.
because i know i don't listen to my family.
(i'm wrong for not listening to family but i really don't want to)
sigh.
it's been so long since i last felt this mixture of sucky moods.
i need someone but not just anyone.
i wanna cry,brawl my eyes out to that person.
but he's busy,he seems to have time for everything except me.
my appetite is worsening.
i have no mood to even look at food.
once again, i felt lonely.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!
just ignore me.
i wanna be alone for a couple of days.
some tags, smses, calls will go unreplied,unanswered.
p.s thanks for the Chanel foundation & those things you gave me.
but i just don't know if this is right. ):
