i am really damn fucking annoyed.
1st) stupid Internet connection that's fucking slow & won't allow me to sign in to MSN.
2nd) stupid mouths of people that just can't fucking shut up.
(i didn't step on your tail so mind your words)
3rd) sick of this guy's constant restrictions,naggings & more...
left alone at home.
wanna chat online but couldn't thanks to don't know what shit.
have a DS to accompany me but am sick of constantly playing it.
talking about DS, i got it 2weeks ago.
i fucking used my own hard-earned salary...
not take/demand money from him.
he didn't even help me pay a single cent for it,
yet there are talks saying he is stupid using his money on me.
HELLO~~~
right,he's drawing in much more than me but the most he
gave me is $100
& that is nothing.
my transportation fees per month itself is close to $100.
not to mention when he runs out of money im the one
who help pay our meals till he got his salary.
you may say food is so cheap,how much can you spend on food?
i spend very little on food as i personally don't eat much,
but have you seen this guy eat?
he can spend $50(or frigging more) a day just on food & tidbits.
yes,he has money to buy what he wants.
but he didn't do so, why?
my fault? i use his money? i took all his money?
no.
he thinks it's not worth it, he rather spend the money on food.
yes, he may want it badly but he never buys it.
my fault? i did ask him to spend it on a PSP if he wanted it so much.
yet he just brush it aside.
do people know im intending to buy him branded stuff?
like agnes b & gucci?
do you big mouths know anything?
did i talk bad about you?
just don't make me tell your secret(to your parents?)
im sure you'll get a hell of a time.
i can be super nice but i can be very mean too.
my thinking have surpasses beyond what normal teens comprehend.
i can have him (or my family) die right infront of me yet i won't shed a tear.
it's not that i don't love him( or my family) or im a sadist.
everybody came to this world alone & everybody MUST leave this world alone too.
so why cry when nothing can save anyone when they're dead?
in this world everybody had been a two-headed snake at least once.
everybody is living for themselves.
they might help you when you get in trouble but that's because
their position doesn't clash with yours.
if helping you,means they too get in trouble i doubt they'll even answer your calls for help.
when mum wanted lassie to be put to sleep
i cried & objected to it.
but after that my heart just grew more stone-like.
i agreed. on that day when my mum brought him to Mt pleasant
to be put to sleep, mum & sis cried.
but i didn't. i just didn't have any feeling inside.
im in a phase whereby i've let go of everything.
[chinese: kan de hen kai ; jue]
nobody can understand how i look at things unless they too have reached this phase.
i have a friend, his wife left him because his business failed.
he too have the same thinking as me.
No, we did not resign ourselves to fate.
just that after all we've been through, we're just protecting ourselves.
in the midst of protecting, we've become so cold that we didn't know.
it's not easy to open up & i won't.
i don't trust anybody not even my family or him.
i can pretend so much that you don't even know what im thinking.
i can be very friendly towards you but behind all that jazz
you can never figure out.
i don't need anyone who cares because in the end when they're in
dire straits they'll most likely turn the tables on you if needed.
comments,tags on this post is not needed.
im very sure what kinda person i am.
& im sure i don't need that guy's money to survive.
i didn't ask for any, he gave me on his own accord.
but after those unkind remarks on me,
even if he beg me to keep the money i'll throw it away.
money is not important anymore.
im a 16 year old.
but i find it hard to mix with my age group,
i find it hard to communicate with him too.
walking away, i need somebody that understands me
to crease all those quarrels & shits.
